I just wanted to share this experience and wondered what other people thought.
Everyone dealing with PFFD can relate to frequent hospital visits. My mother and I would take these early morning flights in tiny little planes to the Shriners. We would get up so painfully early, still dark, and I would sit at the edge of her bed, watching her spray perfume and drink coffee. I was so little, but these memories are as clear as day. We were as close as two people could be on those trips, clinging together at the aiport... cuddled up at night in the hotel. That was our special time, going out to eat in between appointments, walking around a strange town. She made those trips so enjoyable, it was more like a holiday. My brother, sister and dad were stuck at home and it was... just us. She took care of everything and I felt so protected.
It's inevitable that our parents are going to get old, get sick, and someday, they won't be here (at least, not their bodies). I've just really gone into shock because I'm just realizing this now- I'm REALLY realizing it. This woman who thought I was beautiful when I was born, even though everyone else in the room cried... this woman who taught me to not hide myself... this woman who traveled alone with her child to endless out-of-state medical appointments... this woman of infinite strength... she is the one going to medical appointments now. And I hold HER hand through it. And I worry. And I want to shut her up in a bubble so no harm can come to her.