OK. I’m really pleased that there are so many kind and inquisitive people out there. But why, when I’m rushing through the grocery store with a full cart and 2 tired little children, would I want to have a long discussion about why my daughter’s leg is short or has a fixator on it or has a cast on it? Today (like many times before), when a passing lady asked what happened to my daughter’s leg, I simply said “She’ll be fine.” (when clearly her leg had been through some trauma since she has a cast) and continued on to the checkout line. Sorry. Just had to vent a bit. I feel better.
Beth
Comments
Some days I get annoyed when
Some days I get annoyed when people ask about my sons leg too. I find that using a generic response works well when I am annoyed. When someone asks,"what happened?" I say "he had an amputation.." It is does not satisfy there curiosity and that makes me satisfied!:) I do try to remember that it is important to model a pleasant response for my son so that he approaches curiosity for his difference in a positive way.
been there...
I so get it. sometimes when people ask what happened to my leg, I out and out lie. I just want them to leave me alone and if I can get them to stand there with thier mouth open at the same time, it's like a little bonus. Some of my favorite one line quick comebacks to "What happened to your leg?":
"Alligator"
"Shark attack"
"Chainsaw juggling"
"Rabid chicken, it was huge"
"Rusty paper clip"
These work best if you just keep walking by after dropping the bomb. Some of the looks have been priceless.
Shark Attack
Haha I love those. I'll admit to doing the same. I've used shark attack every time I've vacationed at the beach...you're right, their looks are priceless. Everyone I meet stays out of the water :D I'm going to start using the rabid chicken one, haha I love that. Thank you for those. =)
Understand completely
Yeah. Now after 6 or so years the reactions from people don't even register any more in my conscience. Even in airports which are the worst for convenience. But every once in a while someone who will just stop and stare at our daughter's leg like they have been hit on the side of the head... completely forgetting the world around them. That usually gets to me and my daughter so my reaction usually depends on how much it annoys me or how rude they are. Always polite, but usually something that gets them to realize there is a protective dad who is now going to find out if there is a problem. :)
Inquisitive Minds Need Assurances
I have had a lifetime of questions and stares. PFFD is not my only disability and we have adopted profoundly disabled children so these things are just a part of our lives. Plus to be honest, if I saw a family like ours, I'd stare and might even chase them down to talk to them!
Obviously when children ask, they usually want to know if it hurts or makes us sad. (I found these kids to be so amazing!) However, when adults ask questions it is usually for assurances. They want to know that it could not happen to them or their children...these adults are usually fragile people who have been or could be easily "broken". I try to structure my answers much like the ones to the child and be brief! BUT at other times like Beth pointed out, you just want to get done what needs done...run errands, buy groceries, go to the post office, etc!
On a lighter note--My younger brother had fanciful tales of what happened to me. My favorite was he would say, "You know how your parents tell you not to put your fingers in the fan? Well she did and it sucked her arms and her leg in." His friends would think it was appropriately cool and gross..all in one tall-tale!
I know what ya mean...
I so know what you are talking about! My 18m old has bilateral so since both of her legs are little if they don't see her AFO's then they just think that she is younger then she is, usually they think she is about 6m! If they do see them and I take the time to tell them about it then I get thing said like:
"she sure is a happy baby though"
"my sister /cousin/ or friend is on 5' tall so she will be ok"
my all time fav is " my brother's wife's sister's daughter's friend had the same thing and she is just fine now"
Since when did someone determine that just because someone is different means they are unhappy?? It is so frustrating sometimes and I get very annoyed but have been able to most of the time keep my cool. (of course the whole time I am saying to God, Jesus Jesus Jesus, please keep me calm, don't let me loose my cool, thank you Lord) lol I actually had a lady say to me "yea but you still want her though". I said well of course!!!!!!! My mom said I should have said "well I tried to giver her back but they wouldn't take her, do want her" just to see the ladys face!! lol Some people are just ignorent!! You just have to pray, I am thankful for the cold weather right now cuz I can just keep her legs covered with a blanket!!
reply to the nosey
good thought. I can't imagine a day without Michael. He bring so much joy to our family and all that meet him. His is unilateral and he's 7 mos. now. We are still looking at lengthing, but will not know for sure until June. Everyone keeps trying to tell my daughter what she should do. BUT how can you know. I just want to love, support and be there with her and the family.